my doctor told me that it may take up to six months for my body to become accustomed to adjusting its own chemical balance again. in the meantime, he said, I might feel very sensitive. including, but not limited to, feeling overemotional or overwhelmed, sensitivity to temperatures, irritableness and anger at the smallest things, and being more prone to tearfulness.
I mentioned in my last post that I'm teaching email writing workshops at work. but I didn't mention that I cried during my second one. I didn't feel sad, didn't feel nervous or scared. but all of a sudden, on the third slide of my presentation, I noticed that my voice was shaky and tense, and I was a little out of breath. I paused for a moment to catch my breath, and in that moment, I realized that I was close to tears.
I can't look at facebook too much anymore, because about 8 out of 10 posts makes me want to cry, whether in happiness or sadness.
it's hard to decide what to wear every day, because if I wear too little, I'll freeze outside (if anyone tells you california is always 70 degrees and sunny, they're lying; it drops below freezing almost every day), but if I wear a coat, I'll feel so hot that I'll cry. similarly, if I wear a long-sleeved shirt, then once I get to work, I might overheat and faint.
I can't look at my dad right now because every time I do, I want to yell and punch things and leave the house forever.
six months. I can do this. I'm not unhappy. just sensitive. every day, I get a little better—just a tiny bit, almost unnoticeable—but it's enough to give me something to look forward, to give me the strength to get through this sensitive time in my life.