December 7, 2015

sensitivity

obviously going from fifteen pills a day to none has had some effects on my life. a lot of good effects, and others are very...trying.

my doctor told me that it may take up to six months for my body to become accustomed to adjusting its own chemical balance again. in the meantime, he said, I might feel very sensitive. including, but not limited to, feeling overemotional or overwhelmed, sensitivity to temperatures, irritableness and anger at the smallest things, and being more prone to tearfulness.


I mentioned in my last post that I'm teaching email writing workshops at work. but I didn't mention that I cried during my second one. I didn't feel sad, didn't feel nervous or scared. but all of a sudden, on the third slide of my presentation, I noticed that my voice was shaky and tense, and I was a little out of breath. I paused for a moment to catch my breath, and in that moment, I realized that I was close to tears.

I can't look at facebook too much anymore, because about 8 out of 10 posts makes me want to cry, whether in happiness or sadness.

it's hard to decide what to wear every day, because if I wear too little, I'll freeze outside (if anyone tells you california is always 70 degrees and sunny, they're lying; it drops below freezing almost every day), but if I wear a coat, I'll feel so hot that I'll cry. similarly, if I wear a long-sleeved shirt, then once I get to work, I might overheat and faint.

I can't look at my dad right now because every time I do, I want to yell and punch things and leave the house forever.


six months. I can do this. I'm not unhappy. just sensitive. every day, I get a little better—just a tiny bit, almost unnoticeable—but it's enough to give me something to look forward, to give me the strength to get through this sensitive time in my life.

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